On Mental Illness and Creativity

Wellness: a journey in cringe

There are a lot of people out there that struggle with mental illness. We know this. Canadians and Americans (and others) who follow Ellen Degeneres religiously on Twitter will know about Bell Let's Talk Day, where Bell Media donates five cents to charity for every like retweet, etc.

We have a vague idea of what mental illness is - a white girl crying into a pillow in the dark, or being afraid to speak in front of anyone.

There's a lot of talk about how we should be reaching out to people who you think might be struggling, which is a change from how shameful it was seen in the past (think about the "nervous breakdowns" of Old Hollywood stars when their husbands left them or they had a miscarriage or something).

What I don't think that we talk about a lot is how mental illness can affect your ability to be creative.

I know from personal experience that depression robs you of your entire identity. Everything that makes you into who you are is slowly leached away until there is no point to anything. You have no energy to care about things that you may once have enjoyed. Some people use medication to help them with their symptoms, and I think that's really important and great.

It's why it really freaking bothers me when (allegedly) well-meaning people say "Oh, well, you should use your pain for your art! Look at Vincent van Gogh! He was all kinds of depressed, but he didn't take meds and he made beautiful art!"

I think that Hannah Gadsby described it best when she was speaking about this topic in her Netflix special Nanette. I tried to find a clip with the bit, but you're just going to have to watch the special.

In it, she talks about how Van Gogh really did seek treatment for his illnesses - including for epilepsy, which some historians believe was the cause of his erratic behaviours. Epilepsy, overuse of absinthe and potentially bipolar disorder. The most productive time of Van Gogh's life was during his hospital stay in Arles, when he painted over 300 works under supervision. He had previously been hospitalized because he tried to commit suicide by eating his paints and drinking turpentine.

Wellness: a further journey in cringe

So no, Vincent van Gogh's great artistry wasn't due to the fact that he suffered from a mental illness. He was brilliant. He was talented. He was mentally ill.

In my own case, I wasn't able to start writing until I was able to pull myself out of the black hole. I had a lot of support from my family, and I have no idea whether I would be here without them. I had a lot of support from my therapist, Joanne. I went to grad school and had lots of support from my roommates who were what made it fun there.

It took me a long time to be able to write The Winter Court. I had a lot that I needed to process before I could get to a place where my grief and anger and pain weren't so raw. Someone asked me recently what the point of the whole book was, and I'm not sure that there is one. It was only meant to be a vent for my own feelings, but fundamentally I need to validation of people telling me that my story is good and I'm not ashamed of that.

It's my hope that being upfront in my struggles with mental illness can make a difference for someone else that's struggling. I hope that you all watch Nanette for that brilliant part about Van Gogh (and all the other brilliant parts). I hope that you enjoyed the cringey stock photos of "wellness" as much as I did.

Stay tuned.

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